Listening

I first heard about this guy last week. I was watching ER, and they played this lovely, bluesy song at the end. The only phrase I caught from it was "seen it all before", so I immediately started looking for it online. Unfortunately, I had the lyric wrong, and listened to about two dozen songs with "heard it all before" somewhere in them, until it hit me that the lyric might actually have been "seen". Duh! I found it right away, then.

Ol' Gimp-eye

Yesterday I noticed a spot in my vision (right eye). It looks like when someone takes your picture with a flash camera, you know how that little spot stays there for a few minutes, then goes away? Well, it was there all day yesterday - and nobody took my picture. While eating dinner, I noticed a second one had popped up as well, so now there are two camera-flashes in my right eye.

So I decided to head to the eye institute this morning. They ran all kinds of tests - first an intraocular pressure test (not the air-puff one, the kind where they put the yellow numbing stuff in your eye and then TOUCH YOUR EYE with the little machine. TOUCH YOUR EYE!), then they dilated my eyes. I waited for a bit in the blinding lights of the dimly-lit waiting area, then the Good Doctor took me back and did an exam where he shined a light so bright into my eyes that I kept squinting, and when he was done, everything was green. He said my retina and cornea looked good, he couldn't find anything wrong. Except the pressure in my right eye was 24 and my left eye was 20. Normal is 10-21. So they did the visual field test. This is way fun if you've never had one. They put a patch over your eye (I couldn't resist saying "AARRRRR!!!"), then you look into this big white bowl-shaped thingie and focus on one orange light in the middle. Then little lights sparkle in your peripheral vision, and you click a button each time you see one. I passed with flying colors.

He suspected that while I don't have glaucoma, it could be the beginning stages of it in my right eye. So he gave me some drops to put in once a day, and I'm supposed to go back in a week to see how it's doing.

Here's the hilarious part. The drops are made from prostaglandins! Y'all know my job, and one of the substances I hate are prostaglandins. It's the stuff they put next to the cervix to get it to dilate. There are gentle ones, like Prepidil and Cervidil, and nasty ones like Cytotec. I've always said I will never let prostaglandins NEAR my body. And look - I'm now putting them in my EYE! MY EYE! (howl)

So, please say a little prayer for my gimp-eye, that it responds well to the drops, and that the pressure decreases. I really don't want to worry my pretty little head about going blind this early in life!

Boo!

This is my archenemy, my nemesis. The Black House Spider. I friggin' hate him. Them.

We've been having some major spider problems - there must be a nest or something, right outside our front door. I'd been killing around 7 spiders a day, most don't make it past the entryway. Yesterday when the neighbor girl came over (we take her to school in the mornings), they were waiting and a few scurried right in. Little buggers! So, tired of being held prisoner in my own home (afraid to open the front door), I ran to Home Depot and found some super-duper insecticide and went to war on those suckers. LOL! There's tons of little (and big) spider carcasses outside my front door now. I'm leaving them there for Halloween. Tee-hee!

Yesterday Mason had his 12 month check-up and vaccinations. He cried. He weighs 21 lbs. 13oz. (65%), and is 31" tall (90%). I thought he would weigh more than that, I was thinking around 24 pounds! He just seems so big to me, and is solidly in 18 month size clothes. That's typical of my boys though - they're always in one size larger than their age, because they're so tall! Someday all three of my boys will be towering over me.

Uh, hi!

I've seriously neglected my blog. And I really had no intention of doing so! Really.

My computer died and just got a new one, and my photo sharing stuff is GONE gone gone. I have some pics of the boys I want to share though!

Here's the three of them on our lawn. Mason isn't really that huge, he's just further forward than the other two. I was taking pics of their feet in black & white for a collage in our bedroom. More to share soon!!

Listening

This is Jem, my new favorite artist/CD. You can listen to the entire CD at her website, which I think is GENIUS, because when you're poor like me, you can afford to get maybe 6 CDs a year. I am so leery of buying new CDs just in case there's only one good song on there and the rest suck. But when you can listen to the whole CD, then you know you're making a good investment. Hear that, record companies?? So I bought it this week.

Monday Darien has his "kindergarten roundup" in the late afternoon, we'll meet the teachers and see the classrooms. Monday night I have to drive 100 miles to sing with Civic Chorus, I will get back late.. ugh. Tuesday I get my Mirena! I can't wait to be infertile! Let's hope my cervix cooperates, otherwise Deb won't do it and I'll have to go back when I get my period. And who knows when THAT will be?

Our internet access is majorly sucking (we have wireless). And the ISP is not really trying to figure out what the problem is, so today, we are switching providers.

Fire-crotch.

Well, I am now a balding redhead. No, I didn't take a picture.

Here's the story.. last year I purchased Allure magazine's Beauty Box, as I do most years. In it was a hilighting kit - PERFECT for me - it was light blonde hilights (Clairol Natural Dimensions) for dark-medium blonde or light brown hair. Which is what I have.

I decided last night to do the hilighting. I've never hilighted before. I started to follow the instructions, but by the time it looked "done", there was still a TON of color in the bottle, so I thought I'd use a little more. I did some under-layers and such. I waited 25 minutes (the box said 30). I washed it out. My hair was the same color as a Barbie! Bright yellow-white. But only in PATCHES. The rest of it was a decent blonde.

So this morning I called the Clairol hotline and asked what to do. In order to get some semblance of normal, I needed to first re-color it red, then dark blonde, to get an auburn-y color (if I did just the dark blonde/light brown, it could turn green or purple.. NOT good). So I did. In the shower, my hair came out in handfuls.

I still have plenty of hair left, I just hope more doesn't fall out. And I really can't believe I have red hair. Dan says I have a "hot Donna" thing going on now (from That 70's Show). Although she's blonde now, and she looked so much better red.

*sigh*

Lesson learned: ALWAYS FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS! Too subtle is better than... well, THIS.

Winter.. er, Spring.. Wonderland!

Snow!

Look, it finally snowed! This is the view out my front bay window. Yes, I live in North Dakota and this is the most snow we've had all season. It's sickening, really. We have this kickass John Deere tractor with a snowblower attachment, and I think Dan has used it once since we got it. Looks like I will be shoveling this afternoon!

Yesterday was my lecture at the University. I think it went well, but if she ever asks me to do it again, I will make changes. I talked about labor, birth, interventions, methods of pain management, and doulas. I think next time I will start off talking about doulas so that I can spend as much time as I want - I felt like I ran out of time on that subject. My dad decided to come and watch, and so did Sister Thomas, the president of the U! I was a little nervous when she came in.

Last night instead of going to Civic Chorus, I went out to eat with my family. I'm such a bad girl. I really do love Chorus, but we really needed some family time out of the house. So the fish I had thawing went back into the fridge for tonight. I think my husband just didn't want to have fish for dinner, LOL. He doesn't care that it's good for him.

In a little while I will brave the snow again to go pick up DJ from school. Then I take the kids to my mom's - Tuesday afternoons I have the day "off" from motherhood! I'm probably going to pick up a few things at Target, deposit some checks, and then come home and clean - I have some pretty nasty hot spots that have turned into forest fires.

Out of the Fog

A fashion maven, even then. Circa 1978.

Alright, I think, finally, things are going to start looking up soon!

First was the insomnia, I mentioned that already. After that, we all got sick. I got lucky and my cold turned into a sinus infection. On the day of Mason's baptism (Sunday), mom took me to the clinic and I got three drugs: an antibiotic, some Flonase, and a cough/decongestant/narcotic syrup. The narcotic stuff was supposed to clear my nose and help me sleep. It didn't. Instead, I got impossibly drowsy, but couldn't sleep. The antibiotic started doing its job, but yesterday it started doing a different, highly unpleasant job. It gave me diarrhea - really nasty, every-20-minutes stuff. So I was going to go back into the clinic but decided my own doctor was better, which meant I had to wait an hour. She sent me away with some Zithromax and instructions to not eat dairy (I haven't had milk in ages) and to eat lots of bananas (I'm allergic to those, thanks).

Well, last night I slept like a rock - from about 9:30 until 6:30 this morning. I still have the Big D, but it's not like it was yesterday. So, $170 later, I think I'm finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Oh, and I got my period back yesterday, too. I had to cancel my lecture at the University this week, so I'm doing it 3/21 instead. Mason finally got his shots this morning, too - supposedly his 4-month ones, but first he was sick, then I was sick, then his pediatrician was in an accident and hurt his back, & so we saw a different one today (my own doctor's husband), and Mason's now almost 5 months old.

Oh well, at least I found time to BLOG, right?

I'm Lynette.

Which Desperate Housewife are *you?* Take the quiz. My results should not be a surprise to anybody! I took it twice though - it came out Susan the first time. I decided to take it again, and lo and behold - they asked different questions the second time, and it came out Lynette.

Things are going slightly better than they were during my last post. Last week I had a long birth Monday-Tuesday, no sleep Monday night. Tuesday afternoon my mom took the kids and I crashed - yay! Then I had good sleep the rest of the week. Seemed my insomnia troubles were over.. until this week! Monday night, I got 3 hours. Tuesday night, I got 1 1/2 hours. How is this POSSIBLE?! Dan stayed home yesterday so I could nap, and of course, I couldn't. But last night I slept from 10:30 to 6:45. So we'll see what tonight brings. Please send me sleep vibes.

This is a busy weekend for me. Tomorrow (Friday), my mom's group is meeting here for our Book Talk. Saturday all my relatives come to town. Sunday is Mason's baptism. Monday I am doing a two hour lecture at the University (for which I am still not totally prepared). Tuesday Mason has his 4-month shots.

can't do it much longer

Is it possible to actually die from lack of sleep? 'Cause if it is, this is my last entry because this is also my last day on earth. In the last couple of weeks, I've gotten ONE night of 7 hours of sleep, the rest have been 3-6. I can't survive this way.

Mmmmmm

Right now, I'm sipping a hot, lovely, caramel latte. You may not know, but I used to be a Starbucks barista, back before I was a mother, and even before I was married. I worked at Barnes & Noble back then, mainly in the music department, and I was also trained to work in the Cafe. The Cafe, with Starbucks' name on it, insisted that all Cafe workers be trained just like any Starbucks barista. So my husband is very lucky to be married to someone who can whip up a latte Starbucks-style for a lot less money! Complete with Reddi Wip and caramel sauce drizzled over the top. Let the fun out!

I put my hair in braids today, then went grocery shopping. I felt like a fool because the People magazine with Julia Roberts and her babies was plastered all over the store and guess what? Her hair is in braids exactly like mine.

Weekend

Daddy 'n baby

Isn't that just the sweetest thing you ever done seen? And they weren't even posing. Well, OK - Mason was posing, a little. Dano was sleeping. He was kinda twitching, even.

Happy Superbowl Sunday to everyone who cares. Meaning, we don't watch it here. I don't even know who's playing. How un-American of me!

Yesterday we had a nice visit with some friends from Minneapolis (soon to be from Wisconsin as soon as their house gets finished!), they were passing through on their way back from a wedding in western ND. They are currently childless, and I always wonder if hanging out with our zoo makes for good birth control, or makes people want children. Last night we watched "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind". It was good, and a nice break from all the action flix we've been watching lately. By the way, "Bourne Supremacy" is not quite as good as "Bourne Identity", but still worth watching.

Today I'll be going grocery shopping (I like to go on Sundays so I can grab a Sunday paper), and then I have a client meeting at 3:00, at the Southside Starbucks. Whee! She's due later this month, and then I'm back in the swing of things with births. I get to lecture at the local University in March, I'm scared out of my mind about it, but also looking forward to it.

Tomorrow is... dun-dun-DUHHHHNNNN!!!!... shots day for Darien. I so do NOT want to do this. When they're babies, it's different. It's like cruel and unusual punishment to vaccinate a four-year-old. So I probably won't post tomorrow, I'll be busy devoting lots of time, love, and attention to my firstborn.

Bait 'n Switch

As many of you know, I'm a staunch supporter of VBAC (vaginal birth after Cesarean). I get really mad when a woman who wants to VBAC tells me all these nonsense things her doctor said. Daily, women are told they can't birth a baby vaginally because their hips are too small, their pelvises inadequate, their babies too big; their bodies are broken. I myself was told these very same things, and went on to birth TWO more babies, both larger than the c-section baby, vaginally. HA! The only place, it seems, there is refuge from all the garbage, is my ICAN list. Elaine, a lovely listmember, posted a "comic strip" idea, called Bait and Switch. Here it is.

So I envision this comic strip: an interaction between

a VBAC mom and her OB. Anyone good at drawing?

Here would be the conversation:

------------

Bait:

NEWLY PREGNANT MOM: "Hi! I'm newly pregnant and want a

VBAC. Do you support VBACS?"

DOC: "Yes we do, we loooove VBACS. come on board!"



Switch:

DOC AT 25 WEEKS: "Just want to tell you about some of

the restrictions we have for VBACs: we require you

don't go a day over 38 weeks, we require continuous

EFM, an epidural in place in case your uterus

explodes, you can't have eaten for 2 days prior to

going into labor, and the moon can't be full. "



DOC AT 30 WEEKS: "Oooo this baby is getting big! We

don't allow our moms to VBAC babies over 5 lbs. Moms

who VBAC with babies over 5 lbs have a 96% risk of

their uterus exploding all over the place. Besides,

your pelvis is really small and you aren't capable of

birthing a baby over 3.6 lbs anyway."



DOC AT 34 WEEKS: "I just checked your cervix and it

isn't dilated at all, which means that there is

something wrong with your body and you are never going

to go into labor. I can tell your baby is going to be

at least 7 lbs and you probably aren't going to

deliver before 38 weeks. Lets schedule your repeat CS.

After all, you don't want to die do you? You don't

want your baby to get brain damage or die do you? New

studies have come out that show that the rate of

uterine rupture in  VBACs is actually 56%. Just

remember, in the end all that matters is a healthy

baby"



DOC AT 36 WEEKS: "I can't believe you haven't

scheduled your repeat CS yet. Hmmm. Welllll.... lets

just do an ultrasound to check on baby's weight. Won't

that be fun? Uh oh... While we did the ultrasound we

found out that your amniotic fluid is low, you have

bursitis in your elbow and your placenta is made of

ham. Your baby will die if you attempt VBAC. I'm sorry

but you have run out of options. We will need to

schedule a CS. Which is too bad because I really

support VBACs. Oh well, all that matters is a healthy

baby."

Finally an update!

Christmas Picture

These are my three sweet boys. I thought now was as good a time as any to share some about their births, since their births are what made me who I am today.

Darien is on the left. He is 4 - he was born on August 12, 2000. I was 39 weeks pregnant, and I thought I was leaking fluid on Friday morning, 8/11. I went in with my husband to get checked, and they said it wasn't amniotic fluid, so I should go home. But they thought I'd be back later that day, or over the weekend. I was sure I'd go past my due date. We took the rest of the day off, and spent it walking in the mall. We came home for a nap, and my water broke. Like good little parents, we rushed to the hospital like we were told. They put me on the monitor for 30 minutes, said I wasn't contracting, and said they were going to start Pitocin. I managed to hold them off for two hours, and then they started it. I labored flat on my back all night, painfully. They wouldn't let me out of bed because my cord might prolapse. I asked for, and got, an epidural at 3 cm dilation. In the morning I was fully dilated and ready to push, so they let the epidural wear off. I pushed for three hours (with no urge to do so, but they told me to do it, so I did). By the time I finally started getting the urge, I was too tired. My doctor came in and said I could stop pushing, they were going to do a C-section while the baby and I were 'still healthy'. I was grateful and scared at the same time. Darien was born at 12:34 pm on Saturday, 8/12, weighing in at 8# 8 0z. and 21 3/4" long.

After Darien's birth, I experienced postpartum depression, and I was also unable to breastfeed successfully. I felt like a real failure: not only could I not birth my baby, but I couldn't feed him either! What kind of mother was I? A friend steered me toward an organizations called ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) and it changed me. I learned so much about my C-section, why it was unnecessary, and how to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after Cesarean) next time.

Adam is on the right, he's 2. I got pregnant with him in December 2001 - we found out on New Year's Eve, and we were so happy. We had only been "trying" for 1 day and we got pregnant! The first half of my pregnancy was uneventful, and I was super-educated from reading, and also my ICAN mailing list. Every time I brought up VBAC, my doctor would change the subject. This put up red flags for me, so I went about searching for a different care provider. Long story short, I found myself at Doctor #4. She said "Sure, you can VBAC, but on my terms. You have to be induced at 37 or 38 weeks, immediate surgical-strength epidural (because one little decel and I'm going to be standing there ready to cut you), internal continuous monitoring, and lastly, I'll allow you 12 hours of labor and 2 hours of pushing, then you get a C-section." LOL! I didn't know whether to cry, laugh, or run away screaming. A friend suggested just ONE more doctor, and I gave him a try, at 39 weeks. I sat there in his office and explained what all the other doctors wanted, and he said, "And what do YOU want?" Music to my ears! I blurted it all out: "No induction, I'm allowed to go to 42 weeks before we even DISCUSS getting the baby out, I get to the hospital when I'm good and ready, no continuous monitoring, no drugs, no IV, no episiotomy, no time limits on pushing or labor." He said, "Sounds reasonable to me", and away we went. I did allow him to examine my cervix at one visit and he said, "I hate to tell you this, but I'm pretty sure you won't deliver this baby vaginally." I asked why, and he said, "You have an android pelvis. It's misshapen, the outlet is fine but the inlet is incredibly small. You'll never birth a baby through there, especially not one over 7 pounds." Good thing I decided not to believe him, because at 41 weeks, after a nice 8-hour labor, Adam came out vaginally, just like I wanted him to! I did end up getting some Stadol in an IV during transition. He weighed 8# 10 oz. and was 22" long. I guess he fit through there after all! Not a surprise to me at all. I did have a 2nd degree tear, but it was NOTHING compared to the c-section!

Mason is in the middle, he's 12 weeks. My third pregnancy was my most difficult. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. The doctor I chose was my favorite one, I've supported many labors with her and she's fantastic, as far as doctors go - she's great for VBAC. But she was really leery of GD, wanted my baby out for sure by 40 weeks, wanted NSTs and all these ultrasounds to check baby's size. I decided to go with a midwife instead, and have a homebirth. I continued to go to my OB for prenatals, and I bought a birth kit and was prepared to have my baby at home. I had prelabor for several nights, but they would always quit when I went to bed. Saturday night, 10/23, they continued throughout the night, waking me up once in a while. At 6:30 on Sunday 10/24 I finally got out of bed. I putzed around, checked email, and got very sporadic contractions that weren't painful, but were different from the prelabor contractions I'd been having. At 8:00 I woke my husband and said I thought today was the day. He got the kids up, dressed and fed, and suggested I call the midwife. I called her and said I THOUGHT I was in labor, but I wasn't sure. She lives 3 hours away, and she asked if I thought she should come. I said yes, but call me when she reached the halfway point in case labor quit. By this time it was 8:30. I got in the shower, and realized that yes, this was labor, when I started leaning on the shower wall during contractions. I got dressed and tried to have some toast and juice, but didn't finish it. Dan called my parents to come get the kids, they came at about 9:45. At that point the contractions were getting much more intense, and as soon as the kids were out the door, I started moaning with contractions. Dan got the kids buckled into their carseats, and when he came back in, I REALLY needed him to apply counterpressure. He tried to call Paulette (the midwife) but couldn't reach her. At about 10:30, I told him I could feel my water was about to break, and then it did. I walked to the shower and took off my pants and underwear - the pad was light green. The meconium was light but it scared me a little, and the contractions really took off then! I knew I was in transition, and Paulette had still not called to say she was even halfway! I cried and told my husband we needed to go to the hospital. I so did NOT want to go, but I didn't want to have the baby unassisted. So we went. He drove like a madman, because I was pushing, and I felt Mason's head duck under my pubic bone. I found a way to quit pushing. We parked in the ambulance bay, and I was wheeled up to a room. As soon as I got in, I stripped off my bottoms, laid down on my side on the bed, and PUSHED! Three pushes later, out he came! My doctor breezed in just in time to catch. My midwife showed up a half hour later, LOL! Mason was 9# 1 oz. and 21 3/4" long. I did not tear.

Well, those are my kids' birth stories, in a very large nutshell. Darien's and Adam's births are what inspired me to be a doula. During my pregnancy with Adam, I searched high and low for a doula and couldn't find one. So, instead of whining, I decided to pursue it myself, and become my city's only certified doula! I attended my first birth on November 2, 2003, and became certified in May 2004.

Kill Bill

aka "Mommy"

We finally (after renting the darn thing three times and never getting around to watching it) saw Kill Bill, Vol. 2 last night. I thought it was great. They say you either really like Quentin Tarantino movies, or you hate them/don't get them/don't find them intriguing. I happen to like them.

My weekend was rather uneventful, which is just the way I like them! I won a couple of eBay auctions, we went out to eat at a new restaurant last night, and we watched the movie last night as well. Today we dropped off the kiddos at my parents' place so we could go to the mall and to Target, the break was nice. This week will be tough for me, since Dano (my darling husband of 7 years) will be on a business trip. I always cry and feel sick to my stomach the day he leaves.

Stoopid Ninnernet!

Our dumb wireless has been down for three days, hence the lack of an update. Finally had guys out here fixing it for almost four hours this afternoon/evening, and it looks like all is well again. Nevermind that I lost a few eBay auctions during the outage. Waaah! Mason is already 3 ounces short of 14 pounds (he's 11 weeks old), so I'm going to need to start stocking up on the next size up in cloth diapers. I'd at least like to get some premium prefolds (for 15-30 pounds) and 4 Size Medium covers. I love Bumkin covers, and I'm fond of Diaperaps and Proraps. The Bummi Super Whisper Wrap doesn't thrill me, popular as it is, it just doesn't work for Mason. Something about Bummi wraps, the top of the waistband seems to dig into his tummy and sides.

Well, I'm sure nobody really wants to read my waxing on and on about cloth diapers, so I'm going to take my leave of thee, and write more tomorrow.

Constant servitude

brrr!

It's -16F right now. Look, even the dog is cold! He loves his blankie. This is Kernel, by the way, our 1 1/2 year old Rottweiler. I wanted to name him Colonel, but my husband is a computer nerd, so he wanted to spell it Kernel.

One thing about parenthood: constant servitude. It wasn't so much with one, and maybe a little more with two. But three? One being 10 weeks old? Between the three of them and the aforementioned dog, I feel like all I do all day is serve others. Mornings are the most stressful for me. First thing I do when I wake up, nurse the baby. If the baby woke at 6 or 6:30, I can put him back down and shower, but if not, I usually don't get one. By 7 or 7:30, the older boys are up, demanding breakfast. I pop a load of laundry in while they eat. Then I get them dressed. Then I change the baby, and feed & let out the dog. It's cold lately, so he has to be let back in shortly thereafter. Nurse the baby again, put him down for a nap. And now it is 9:30 and I'm just sitting down to my breakfast and first cup of coffee. My coffee pot is set to make coffee at 7:30 and stay on two hours; some mornings, I actually don't get my first cup before the pot shuts off.

Some people think stay-home moms have it easy, but really, we don't. A working-mom friend of mine says her mornings are hectic (and I believe her - can't imagine getting myself and a kid ready and out the door by 7!), but she loves getting to work after stopping off to grab a latte, she goes in her office, shuts the door, and spends time dealing with emails and sipping her coffee in a quiet office, phone turned off, for the first hour. I would love to have an uninterrupted hour!

I'm not complaining though, really - I'm not! Because I have all my family members alive and with me. That is more than I could ever ask for, given the situation in Southeast Asia. I pray for the victims and their families every day.